I told two people that I am having weight-loss surgery. Cart before the horse? Yes, yes, yes. But I just feel so sure about this. I told two people that are very very close to me. My aunt (who is basically a parent) and one of my oldest dearest friends. I am the kind of person who can keep a secret as long as it's not mine.
If I do have this surgery, I don't want every one to know about it. I wonder if I can get away with no one knowing about it. Can I just take a two week vacation from work and go to Jamaica or something? Let people think my shrinking and liquid diet is due to a horrible foreign virus? Or tape worm? I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but these are just things that I can't stop thinking about.
I have the weight loss seminar with my surgeon on Thursday night. I have so many questions! I have read on blogs from other people who have had VSG that sometimes surgeons "oversew" and sometimes they don't. Also, I have read that the size of the sleeve varies by surgeon's preference. I want to find out if my surgeon just does a standard size for everyone that he thinks is the best, and if so, how does it rate? Small, average, large? Or does he decide what size is best for me in particular? I know that there are support groups for people who have had WLS and I really hope that I can get some info at the seminar so I can start going to those. I would really like to hear about some real life experiences.
They say that people who have the sleeve usually lose 50-80% of their EXCESS body weight. At first this kind of bummed me out. I weigh 265 lb. My "pie-in-the-sky-it's-never-gonna-actually-happyen-but-you-can-dream" weight has always been 150 lb. So, in my book, I have 115 lb of excess weight. Best case scenario if I lost 80% of that it would be 92 lb lost. That would bring me to 173. Not bad. But I was looking up what my "ideal body weight" is considered by medical professionals. I'm 5'2" and 32 years old. I should weigh 104-130 lbs to be considered a "healthy weight".
With those numbers in mind, if 130 lb is the highest "healthy weight" for, me then my excess weight is 135 lb making 80% loss of excess weight 108 lb. That means that I could be down to 157 lb (if you go by the 104 as my ideal weight, then with an 80% loss of excess weight, I would end up losing 129 lb and be 136). HA!!! That would take more than VSG.....I'm pretty sure it would take pixie dust!
Every day that goes by convinces me more and more and more that this is the RIGHT move. This weekend was so typical and so awful. I am really embarrassed to even put this in print, but here goes. Friday at work I was just so exhausted. I spend all week just thinking "only X more days til the weekend". I spend all day at work thinking "only a few more hours and you can go home and go to sleep". I get home from work at 6:30 pm and I am asleep by 8:30 pm. I throw food together, eat dinner, lay on the couch and watch TV until I go to sleep, so that I can wake up the next day and do it again. What kind of life is that?? This week was particularly bad because on Friday we had a Baby Shower for a girl at work, which I organized. At the end of the day there was a ton of cake left. A LOT of cake. And I really did try to have other people take it home....it didn't work. It was either me take it home or throw it away. Since you already know that I'm 5'2" and weigh 265 lbs, I'm sure you already know what happened.
It did not get thrown away. I ate the rest of the cake by myself. We went to a friend's house on Saturday night, so that was "active" but the rest of the time was spent in exhaustion. Dreading taking a shower because there are no clean clothes because I have no energy to clean! All Sunday I slept. I woke up at 10am, could not stay awake so I napped from 11-1pm. Then at around 2pm I was still so tired I felt drugged. So I slept again from 2-5pm. I woke up and watched TV, went grocery shopping, came home, had some canned clam chowder for dinner and....fell asleep at 10pm watching TV.
Great life, huh? I don't care what any one says. This is because of my weight. I am too tired and too discouraged to do anything. I'm so scared of surgery because I'm terrified of anesthesia. I'm scared I won't wake up. But am I really awake right now??? This is the right decision. It will at least give me a fighting chance.
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